


Emptiness

by kinkykenjirou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emptiness, M/M, emotional stuff, idk what it is called u know, some emotional stuff, the feeling where u just feel out of everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12455250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkykenjirou/pseuds/kinkykenjirou
Summary: As soon as Shirabu opened his eyes, he knew it was one of those days.His white ceiling met his caramel gaze and he laid down there thinking if he should get up, if he should attend volleyball practice, if he should attend his classes. He knows he should, otherwise he’d get a word beating with the coach and he would miss lectures. So despite the invisible weight in his chest that was trying to keep him down, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom.





	Emptiness

As soon as Shirabu opened his eyes, he knew it was one of those days.

His white ceiling met his caramel gaze and he laid down there thinking if he should get up, if he should attend volleyball practice, if he should attend his classes. He knows he should, otherwise he’d get a word beating with the coach and he would miss lectures. So despite the invisible weight in his chest that was trying to keep him down, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom.

Everything was on auto-pilot for Shirabu on days like this.

He arrived at the school gym and he never even noticed, not until Tendou clapped him on his back and stirred him towards the lockers to go get changed while rambling on about the latest anime he watched. ( _Was it even about anime?_ , he asked himself)

His reactions are automated as well, as if his mind was programmed to react this way towards a certain type of situation. Flinch when Goshiki’s too loud, meet Taichi’s hand in an appear when they both did a good combination, nod when Ushijima tries to tell him something. Write down notes as the teacher discusses today’s lessons. It was programmed, automatic, and he doesn’t even feel himself doing those things, doesn’t even hear the words spoken to him.

And it went on for days.

It’s a cycle. He gets up, gets dressed, heads to school, attend volleyball practice, take down notes, attend after-class practice, go home, do homeworks, sleep. And then it happens again the next day.

He was trying, trying to kick himself out of his bubble, but he can’t. He feels empty. Too empty. And it’s drowning him in a pit of darkness. He can’t feel anything, he can’t think clearly, and maybe that was what lead to Coach Washijo benching him in one of their practices. And Shirabu Kenjirou just sat there, gaze blank, mind empty, as he drank water from his bottle. He didn’t care, didn’t move until Eita put a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, practice is over. Time to go.” And he nodded.

The next day, he didn’t go to school. He didn’t even care anymore. He just laid down in his bed and wrapped himself in his comforter. His mother would check on him every two hours, asking him what he needs, placing a bottle of water beside his bed and a few snacks that remained untouched the next few hours, asking him if he is well, and all he answered was a nod, sometimes a hum. His mother would just sigh, ( _“Call me when you need something, alright? I’ll be downstairs.” “Hmm.”_ ) and then leave him be in his own empty little world. Because it is in this state that people couldn’t get to him, and pull him out of his mindless trance.

He feels empty, empty, empty, dark, void of everything.

_Let me feel something, anything, frustrate me, anger me, make me cry, anything. Because I can’t breathe and it’s killing me, it’s too heavy, a burden. Fill this emptiness inside me, fill in with anything. Let me be a person once again, not a useless soul, not a mindless being._

A plea. And it was all in Shirabu’s head because he can’t say anything.

A knock came on his door and it opened.

“Hey.”

He didn’t spare a look and just kept his gaze towards a blank spot on his wall. The visitor sighed, and Shirabu heard the shuffling of clothes before he felt a part of his blanket being lifted up and the side of his bed dipping, a weight settling in behind him.

_Warmth_.

“Hey.” The person tried again.

A familiar voice.

“Kenjirou.” And this time he turned to the owner of the voice, and was met with a worried gaze.

_Comfort_.

“Kenji, baby. How are you feeling?” The person asked and Shirabu just blinked at him. Trying to recognize the wonderful face in front of him. The person tried to reach out to him slowly, afraid that Shirabu might flinch and move away from him, but the brunet just stayed in his place. The person’s palm reached his cheek and his thumb caressed Shirabu soothingly.

_Soft_.

He nuzzled the palm and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply as if he was deprived of air for a long time.

_Relief_.

He opened his eyes once again and caramel met chocolate, recognition evident in his orbs. “Eita,” he whispered softly. And Eita smiled.

_Familiarity_.

“Hey, you feeling better?” Eita asked and Shirabu nodded, shifting closer towards the other boy. He let Eita pull him flush against his body and he put his arms around the other boy’s waist, breathing in his deep, fresh pine scent and nuzzling against his chest.

_Warmth_.

Eita has noticed Shirabu’s state in the past three days. He knew Shirabu well enough that the moment he arrived in the gym three days ago, he knew it was one of those days. Everyone knew something was off with how Shirabu acted, but Eita knew all along. And he observed him from afar and tried to see if Taichi could coax him out of his bubble. It would worry him if Shirabu didn’t explain it when they first started dating and he was ignoring him and gazing at him with such distant expression, Eita was hurt.

_I’m sorry_. Shirabu apologized one day. _I was out of it, I guess? But you didn’t do wrong, Eita. It was.. it was all me. I tend to have those days when I would just retreat in myself and feel detach from everything and don’t feel the need to talk with everyone. It’s just a state, okay? It wouldn’t last long. (I hope you wouldn’t get tired of waiting for me to snap out of it)_ And Eita understood.

Because it was Shirabu and he would always understand. That’s why he waited, sat down with him on breaks even though Shirabu didn’t notice. Hold his hand despite the distant look Shirabu would spare him. Walked home with him to make sure that he got to go home safe. He waited, and waited.

And when Shirabu didn’t appear that day, he knew he had to do something already. He missed his voice, his touch, the familiarity. He missed Shirabu, his Shirabu.

And so he was there beside him, and he felt so heavenly when he heard him speak his name again, a faint mutter, a feather-light caress on his skin, _Eita_. And it was okay. Because that was all he needed, and he was all Shirabu needed as well.

Because on days like this, it is only Eita that could reach though him and touch his soul. The gentle caress of his voice and the strong arms that hold him.

Semi Eita made him feel all kinds of things, and that was enough to fill the emptiness inside of him. Because it is Eita, his Eita, and it made him feel complete again.

The next day came and they were both awoken by the sunlight drifting through the open blinds of Shirabu’s bedroom. Shirabu rubbed his eyes and looked up at Eita, a small smile on his face. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. You feeling better?” Eita asked, tangling his fingers in Shirabu’s hair and rubbi his scalp in a soothing manner that made the brunet purr. “Mmh, yeah. Felt alive in like, years.”

_Silence_.

“Sorry for ignoring you and making you wait. How long was it this time?”

“Four days.” Eita answered.

Shirabu sighed, “I’m sorry, Eita. I just— i don’t know why this happens and I try to pull myself out but I just can’t and it feels like I’m drowning and—“ Shirabu was not able to finish when Eita leaned in and kissed him on the lips. It was just a soft touch of lips, but it was enough to make Shirabu feel a lot better.

“You don’t have to apologize. I already told you, didn’t I? I would wait patiently and if it gets worse, I would be the one to snap you out of it. You may be a strong person, Kenjirou, but we all have our days. I may not be able to snap you out of it earlier, but I would keep trying and keep being there for you. Even if you ignore me, I would stay by your side and hold your hand and that’s all because I love you.” Eita said and Shirabu was not able to keep the tears from falling.

Eita kissed his forehead and hugged him, caressing his back to soothe him. And when he felt Shirabu calm down, he pulled away from the hug to wipe the tears that escape the younger man’s eyes and stained his cheeks.

“Why do I even deserve you? I kept on bitching at you everytime and you still stayed no matter what.” Shirabu said. Eita just smiled softly at him and it made his heart flutter.

“I’d always stay no matter what.” Then his lips met Shirabu’s again.

  
_A promise_.

And it was enough reassurance for Shirabu that despite the emptiness, the darkness, Eita would always be there to be his light and paint his world with beauty.

Shirabu would always have his down times, and he knows Eita does as well. And all they could do was be there for each other and make one feel loved. Because sometimes, touches bring more comfort than words ever can.

And that’s okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm backkk after idk how long huehue and I brought with me a Haikyuu one-shot. I just got in the fandom recently and I'm already deep in it istg. 
> 
> Anw, I had fics coming up, but I posted this today. I was feeling out of everything, and I thought why not let it out through a fic and bam! I did. 
> 
> Hope y'all enioyed it. SemiShira ship is the bomb ❤️ See u all soon! 
> 
> -A.


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